did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
