my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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