He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
