I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
