best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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