I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
