If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
