I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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