Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Buhtt sex?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
