Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
