Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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