would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
