Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
