Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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