hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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