i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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