You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
