my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
