I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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