you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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