VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
