Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
