I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
