somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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