What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
