Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
