Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You took a bar mat shot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
