New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
