Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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