just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
