i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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