this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
