fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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