I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
