A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
