There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
