you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
