i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
