Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
