and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
