An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
