MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
