Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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