May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
