I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
