my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
