this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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