Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
