You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
