someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
