Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
