i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
