we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
