It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
