And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
