She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
